Everyone experiences trauma in their lives in some shape, way or form. A deep trauma that we tend to carry with us until we decide to heal from it. It is really a matter of going down a journey of wanting to heal rather than hanging on to life long emotional pain. It is a choice, and one that can be liberating, if one so chooses to do soul-work in an uncomfortable space.
I had no idea of my own pain until I took a deep look at my “inner soul state” to understand myself better and to heal from my past. I always assumed I was fine, life was normal and my past had nothing to do with my present. In some ways it doesn’t but in other ways it can have a huge impact. When I looked deeper, what I realized was a bolus of emotions that had been suppressed for many years that needed to be surfaced. What I carried was the loss of my parents, which impacted me in ways that I did not even know. The impact was deeper than I could imagine. I hadn’t visited that space within that held on to traumatic emotions, because of fear and sadness.
Through my own healing process and understanding my inner child issues, I came to understand myself and who I am. I learned about my blocks, my pain, my wants and my needs. A process that took a lot of time and discipline. During this process, everyday for me was about taking some action toward growth.I shed a lot of tears, had moments of frustration and deep sadness. The pain hurt my soul in a way that I had never experienced and was so real at an emotional state. Rather than pushing my feelings away, I embraced them day by day. I welcomed them and felt the tough emotions to shed the layers of pain that come with healing. I let myself experience what I needed to, so I could overcome the hurt and transform it into joy. Running away from the surfacing emotions was no longer an option but triumphing through them was the only way to push through.
After really letting go of two souls and accepting that this was a part of my life that would not change I started to see life through a new lens. Accepting this as part of who I am and my story was a relief. Being compassionate and patient towards my own heart ache helped me move forward. This led to a better understanding of my deep self, a knowing of who I am and a journey to understanding my soul in silence. This process was tough because I did not want to explore the depths of self. Today, I can say, this is just life and its journey and process to blossom. Scars tell a beautiful story and in fact are a part of you for your higher purpose. Pain is the best lesson in life. It is all a process and part of understanding who you are.
For many, these deep routed emotions go unseen, because we do not spend time with ourselves to love ourselves enough and give ourselves what we need. The work I do on my inner self only helped me shed light outwardly to being a better mama. The shedding of layers within me allow me to create space to give so much more as a mama. Now that I know a large part of me healed, I am liberated to give back more holistically to Mr. K. It’s all connected. Who I am, who I choose to become, what I choose to do in life, how I choose to react, what karma I create and my personal journey all impact my little one in how he sees me as his role model. Therefore, me doing my own inner work will not only benefit me but Mr. K as he sees me evolve into the best version of me. Lastly, the best version of me is also knowing that I make my Creator smile in being who He has called me to be.
In a recent Instagram post I wrote:
Though we might feel like life is permanent, it’s limited with time being the most valuable commodity. We really only have now, this moment to live, realize, transform, enlighten, and do our soul work. We also only have now to feel soulful peace, joy, and happiness. Our inner soul vibration is a direct reflection of our state of being. The soul is the source of life and energy. Develop your inner being, so you can achieve to vibrate as your higher self, and make the most of the now. The past is gone, the future is uncertain, and all we have is now. Loosen your grip on life and operate from your soul it whispers to you everyday…
Life is really a great opportunity which takes you on a ride to becoming and being you and vibrating with the best of you to shed light in the world.
I really do suggest looking at life and understanding your deep emotions to help you get to a better you. It’s really not as bad as you think and the outcome is will be only the best for your life and your higher purpose.
Let me know what you have done in your own soul work, I would love to hear from you.